this blog is truly a work in progress. To read the first entry you have to scroll down, please be patient with me.. its all new to me too. Also you can like/subscribe to the blog and an email will be sent to you each time I post. Ok guys thank you for supporting me… talk at you soon…
With all the above being said lets get into this blog…. I am going to talk shit. I am going to try to inspire and motivate you. I will give you all of me because I believe that authenticity and transparency is mandatory in a relationship. I wouldn’t ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself, so if I ask you to be honest with yourself I sure as shit better be honest with you AND with myself. There is freedom in truth. Its not always pretty or comfortable but tough shit. Life is isn’t pretty. Sometimes life is unbearable and beautiful at the same time. The ultimate dichotomy… pain and pleasure… love and hate. Here’s what is real… we are all the same. Some might fake it better or be wired different than you but we all feel the same thing at some point in our lives.
The key is to find someone who understands and loves you. The real you, not the front you put out or who think you need to be. Be real. It doesn’t have to be your life partner or your soul mate….. Ideally it should be YOU.
Just so you never doubt my intention or my character I will give you some of me…. I was married two times. The first to a great guy…. Unfortunately a great guy with no motivation other than to make me happy…. Gentlemen let that be a lesson…. NO woman wants to be your everything. It is crucial that we respect and honor our men but that’s impossible to do if you are acting like my personal assistant or best friend. I have a best friend and could hire a personal assistant. Most woman want a man who they feel safe with, that they can trust to be faithful. To stand next to them and catch them when they fall. Even the strongest woman has her moments of vulnerability and a strong man will stand in when needed and stand back when not.
That’s not something a woman can teach a man or should, those are qualities that they must aquire on their own. I cheated on my first husband. Not something I am proud of. But since we are being honest…. I wasn’t happy in the marriage and I knew my husband would not ever leave or forgive my infidelity. Husband number 2… hmmmm you will be hearing a lot about him since he almost destroyed me. Which in turn caused me to stand up and become the woman I am today.
But he did give me the most incredible gift, a child. A perfect daughter who has taught me how to love. How to be a mother, and to live my life as an example. Because of her I have learned how to navigate through life. Without her I doubt I would still be here. I have grown more in the 15 years she has been on this earth than all the years before.
This is not the life I would have chosen for myself, I didn’t want children, especially a girl. But without a doubt this is the life I was meant to live. I grew up with both my parents in a loving home, never would I thought I’d be a single mom but my Ex has this weakness called side chicks…..and I couldn’t do it. No one should have to. Breaking up my family was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Just know that in your darkest days you will find light… even if its just a flicker. Ok that was a lot…. so I’ll leave you with the one who inspires me and often gives me strength…
“looking at my watch he should’ve been home, Today I regret the night I put that ring on. He’s always got them fucking excuses. I pray the lord you reveal what his truth is. I left a note in the hallway. By the time you read it, I’ll be far away. But I aint fucking with nobody. Let’s toast to the good life. Suicide before you see this tear fall down my eyes. Me and my baby we gon’ be alright. We got’ live a good life. Big homie better grow up. Me and my Hoodies bout to stroll up. I see them boppers in the corner, they sneaking out the backdoor… He only want me when I am not there.. He better call Becky with the good hair”
Keep it cute… A.K.
So since fitness is a huge part of my life I guess I should talk a little about that…. Being in the industry over 25 years I’ve seen things… everything really. Heard every excuse… the whys and the I cant’s (which really means I wont). To be honest with you. I hate to workout. I am not that girl who wakes up every morning dying to put my workout clothes on and head to the gym… Yet that’s what I do everyday, twice a day 6 days a week. Not because I love it, but because I love my job. My job as an instructor is to make sure you get your butt out of bed and into the gym and into my class. job is to make sure you stay motivated, interested, focused and inspired. Is it easy? No. Fun? Not always. Worth it? Absolutely.
Truth…. Most people are lazy, they want something but don’t want to work for it. So I try to keep it fresh…. Change it up… make my students understand that I SEE them and appreciate them. Do I always come off that way? No. Do people love me? Ummm…. some but I am definitely an acquired taste. I will tell you one thing, I am honest and I am real. I will not lie to you or let you believe that you are not worth the time and energy you are putting into yourself. I will be your biggest fan and worst nightmare. I will love you when you don’t, and push your ass into working harder and getting stronger than you ever thought you could. I am in your corner, and have your back. But I am not perfect and will never claim to be. I can be tough… too tough for some. I am rude, crude and do not tolerate people who lack common sense. Sometimes I have patience and sometimes I don’t. See I am human and not perfect, and guess what neither are you.
Oh what am I listening to???
“Look if you had one shot, one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted.. One moment. Would you capture it or just let it slip”- Lose Yourself…….. you might love where you find yourself.
Ok here goes…. My first blog entry and the beginning of something, maybe something huge, maybe just the beginning of me being me…. First I’d like to introduce myself…I am a single mom, fitness instructor, friend, truth teller, daughter, sister, aunt, and ex-wife. I have lived a full life with many experiences most of which I plan to share with you. I promise to be honest even when it hurts…and to be real even when its unflattering. I have had the kind of life that funny stories are made of, some of which will be almost unbelievable… but I promise you they are true. I hope to make you laugh, maybe even cry and will definitely entertain you. Hopefully every so often you take pause and even feel motivated to change the way you were living that wasn’t quite working for you.
Somethings I say may resonate with you, some might offend. Take it for what it is as it applies to you. Love me, hate me, write me off, even judge me… it’s all good… but that why I haven’t told you my name.
Currently I am listening to Beyoncé. I always listen to music when I write… Why? Because I feel a connection to the artist even if it’s just a thru sick beat or relatable verse. But Beyoncé is different…she is Beyoncé and without knowing it or me, she wrote MY story in her last album, Lemonade. I loved her before but after I watched the visual album it but it changed me. It validated the pain I’ve felt and helped me to heal…. “Ashes to ashes…. Dust to side chicks.”
I believe that music feeds the soul and teaches us about life and ourselves. I joke that hip-hop music raised me and everything you need to know you will learn if you listen carefully. But there is truth to that…. Getting inside the mind of a man if you are a woman is a gift and visa-versa. Most men and women don’t want to admit how they really see the opposite sex or their true intentions….. however if you turn that truth into a song or a rap verse its out there and accepted, even revered by the public. So I “do dream in color and in rhyme” and I will quote song and verse lyrics. I think Kanye West is a genius no matter how bad his behavior is. I fell in love with Lil Wayne the first time I heard him rap, I respect Beyoncé for choosing her family and her empire over her ego…. and to Jay-Z for owning his shit, sharing his story, and encouraging other men to have conversations about their truths and mistakes.
But, this blog isn’t about music, Hip Hop, or Beyoncé, it’s not even about me. It’s about you and every other person that reads it. It’s about humanity and how kindness and love ALWAYS prevails. Ladies it’s about respecting yourself to know what is good for you and making good decisions. Men is about growing the fuck up and understanding what it is to be a MAN. I hope you remember that this is my opinion and just that. I am not trying to school you or get your validation.
“We are all here for a reason on a particular path. You don’t need curriculum to know that you are apart of the math. Cats think I am delirious but im so damn serious. That’s why I expose my soul to the globe; the world. I’m trying to make it better for these boys and girls. I’m not just another individual, My spirit is a part of this that’s why its spiritual. But I get my hymns from Him so it’s not me it’s he that’s lyrical. Im not a miracle, I’m a heaven-sent instrument.” K.West
See what I mean?
I look forward to this journey together…. As I open myself up to you I grow… and maybe you will feel something you want to share and so it begins…..
“Come harder this wont be easy don’t doubt yourself trust me you need me. This aint no shoulder with a chip or an ego. But what do you think they all mad at me for. You need a real woman in your life that’s a good look…..”