truth

 

With all the above being said lets get into this blog…. I am going to talk shit. I am going to try to inspire and motivate you. I will give you all of me because I believe that authenticity and transparency is mandatory in a relationship. I wouldn’t ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself, so if I ask you to be honest with yourself I sure as shit better be honest with you AND with myself. There is freedom in truth. Its not always pretty or comfortable but tough shit. Life is isn’t pretty. Sometimes life is unbearable and beautiful at the same time. The ultimate dichotomy… pain and pleasure… love and hate. Here’s what is real… we are all the same. Some might fake it better or be wired different than you but we all feel the same thing at some point in our lives.

The key is to find someone who understands and loves you. The real you, not the front you put out or who think you need to be.  Be real. It doesn’t have to be your life partner or your soul mate….. Ideally it should be YOU.

Just so you never doubt my intention or my character I will give you some of me…. I was married two times. The first to a great guy…. Unfortunately a great guy with no motivation other than to make me happy…. Gentlemen let that be a lesson…. NO woman wants to be your everything. It is crucial that we respect and honor our men but that’s impossible to do if you are acting like my personal assistant or best friend. I have a best friend and could hire a personal assistant. Most woman want a man who they feel safe with, that they can trust to be faithful.  To stand next to them and catch them when they fall. Even the strongest woman has her moments of vulnerability and a strong man will stand in when needed and stand back when not.

That’s not something a woman can teach a man or should, those are qualities that they must aquire on their own.  I cheated on my first husband. Not something I am proud of. But since we are being honest…. I wasn’t happy in the marriage and I knew my husband would not ever leave or forgive my infidelity. Husband number 2… hmmmm you will be hearing a lot about him since he almost destroyed me.  Which in turn caused me to stand up and become the woman I am today.

But he did give me the most incredible gift, a child. A perfect daughter  who has taught me how to love. How to be a mother, and to live my life as an example. Because of her I have learned how to navigate through life. Without her I doubt I would still be here. I have grown more in the 15 years she has been on this earth than all the years before.

This is not the life I would have chosen for myself, I didn’t want children, especially a girl. But without a doubt this is the  life I was meant to live. I grew up with both my parents in a loving home, never would I thought I’d be a single mom but my Ex has this weakness called side chicks…..and I couldn’t do it. No one should have to. Breaking up my family was the hardest thing I’ve had to do.  Just know that in your darkest days you will find light… even if its just a flicker.  Ok that was a lot…. so I’ll leave you with the one who inspires me and often gives me strength…

“looking at my watch he should’ve been home, Today I regret the night I put that ring on. He’s always got them fucking excuses. I pray the lord you reveal what his truth is. I left a note in the hallway. By the time you read it, I’ll be far away. But I aint  fucking with nobody. Let’s toast to the good life. Suicide before you see this tear fall down  my eyes. Me and my baby we gon’ be alright. We got’ live a good life. Big homie better grow up. Me and my Hoodies bout to stroll up. I see them boppers in the corner, they sneaking out the backdoor… He only want me when I am not there.. He better call Becky with the good hair”

Keep it cute… A.K.

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