Tennis Court

“Baby be the class clown, I’ll be the beauty queen. It’s a new art form showing people how little we care yeah. We’re so happy, even when we are smiling out of fear. Let’s go down to the tennis court, and talk it up like yeah”- Tennis court Lorde

Life is full of changes… Currently, I am having to come to terms with the ever-changing relationship that I share with my daughter. As she gains independence and slips farther away I have moments of panic where I want to pull to back to me. But then I breathe and remember what it was like to be 15. I had a non-existent relationship with my mother. My friends and boyfriend were everything. So its about right. Sometimes it’s just so hard being on this end of it. Truly what goes around comes around.

But, then I think back to some of the incredible memories we’ve made together and somehow I feel better. Grateful to have experienced them at all.

As a single mom, we carry the burden of so many roles. Sometimes the fun factor gets lost and life seems to be all about work, school, activities, and obligations.

When my daughter turned 8 or so I was able to set aside a vacation fund for us. The first stop on the vacation train, Disneyland. So I bought year passes and at least one weekend a month we would spend the day with Mickey and friends. Sometimes we would drive down Saturday night and spend the night in one of the local hotels. We would eat takeout in bed and go to sleep early so that we were standing at the gates when the park opened Sunday morning.

After a year of Disney, we decided to take a multiple day vacation and spent four days in San Diego. Sea World, the Zoo, the Wild Animal park….. a three hour drive each way wasn’t exactly my idea of a relaxing vacation. But it was age appropriate (for her), and we always had fun together.

The next year was it for me. Finally, she outgrew the amusement park vacation phase and was open to becoming a beach bum. Now we are talking… There is no place I love more than the beach and with my favorite girl…. now that’s a vacation. Except it kinda wasn’t. While I was perfectly happy laying in the sun and taking long walks, my now 12-year-old wasn’t really feeling it.

There had to be a happy medium.. a place that was entertaining enough for her but relaxing and beachy enough for me. After a long search, I found an all-inclusive beach resort in San Diego that seemed to have it all. Four pools, Five restaurants, our room opening up to a private beach, and lots of things to do at the resort. It was expensive but worth it to me… they had room service 24 hours a day AND a Starbucks!

We arrive and its everything and more. We checked out every pool and restaurant on our 4 day stay. We visited the gym (for about 2 minutes), we walked, we talked, we laughed, and then we rode.

So the backstory to this is that I AM A SPIN INSTRUCTOR….So when My daughter wanted to rent a two-man bike I thought perfect… this will be amazing.

Amazing is not quite the word I would use to describe the experience.

After making reservations for an hour on the bike, my mini-me and I jump on one of the large bikes (meant for four and the size of a golf cart) and prepare to take off…..

Only we don’t take off we COULDNT EVEN GET THE THING MOVING! I pipe up with “excuse me I’m a spin instructor what the hell”!! The guy who worked at the rental place must’ve felt bad because he called over three of his buddies to give us a push start (no that wasn’t embarrassing at all). But we were off, once we caught our groove we were cruising around like we’d been riding the bike/golf cart for years.

That is until the first hill, the grounds of the resort were full of hills and bridges, gorgeous really until you have to climb one. Our first four attempts resulted in us getting a quarter of the way up the hill only to go back all the way down.  There was an outdoor wedding going on near us so our failed attempts were witnessed by many strangers. Good thing a good sense of humor runs strong in my family. The spin instructor in me came to life and I timed our hill climbing perfectly with both of us standing up and making over the hill…..

Anxious to get away from the wedding guests we headed towards the tennis courts, It was then that my darling child asked if she could drive. The answer to that question should always be NO, but I of course caved, and let her take the wheel.

All I can say is that by the time we turned the bike in, we had gone into the private backyards of at least four guests. Ran into numerous bushes one of which I got stuck in and had to climb out of the bike to get free. My entire left side was full of cuts, scrapes, and I was bleeding from a bad crash with the tennis court.

But we laughed. We laughed so hard we couldn’t move. We laughed while I was saying RIGHT! RIGHT! NO OTHER RIGHT!!! , and we laughed when we almost crashed into another couple,  Who were NOT laughing, by the way.

God, it was such a fun trip, somedays I want to book a room at that same resort and force my daughter to spend a weekend with me. But then I come back to reality and realize that that season is over for us. Just like the amusement park vacations were a thing of the past, any alone time with my teenager would just be met with a bad attitude and a fight for attention away from her phone.

But I still have those memories, and we still talk about our vacations and laugh so I can’t complain…. But I do look forward to the time when things come full circle and we can vacation together again… and laugh.

Dedicated to my favortie daughter, I am so happy that you have learned your right from left… I love you more……

A.K.

 

 

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The Plumber

This blog will make no sense to you if you don’t read the blog below “But its Sunday” first.

Ok…. so I posted the blog yesterday and text a few girlfriends for their thoughts. As I expected they encouraged me to text the Plumber something, anything, just to get the conversation started. I thought about it and went with “I see you’ve called my Mom three times since you have left (true), I think she’s a little old for you (winky face) but thank you for checking in. The house is smelling much better”.

Then I waited…….. I saw the infamous iPhone bubbles that finally came through as “Just making sure your good and not backing up. Your welcome.”

Seriously?!?! First, dry as hell. But more importantly the improper use of YOUR two times in ONE text!

Oh hell no. I consult my friends and against my better judgment- text back “Well, you saved my ass so I appreciate you coming out on a Sunday”. So many roads he could have gone down with that one but his response ” You guys are awesome. TTYL” Ok now I hate my friends and I am totally embarrassed because I just got shut down,

TTYL??? What are we in middle school? No, I am not going to talk to you later ass- you don’t know the proper use of your and you’re!

Then I see a text from my Gay Best Friend come through “It’s 2018, first facebook stalk the plumber, then text him”. ALWAYS listen to your GBF. See if I would have taken HIS advice and stalked first I would’ve seen that that Plumber is engaged to a lovely blonde girl and his dryness was appropriate.

Oh well, you live and you learn. My friends commended me on taking a chance. I am still trying not to feel rejected and will never ever make a move again without consulting the master of all things awkward, my gay husband Bien.

“and I say I’m ok, but I guess I am a liar. You say you’re okay, but I saw that you liked it. Just a little bit better of faking it than me baby, Just a little bit better of faking it than me baby”- Faking it C.Harris

But its Sunday

So, for those who of you haven’t seen me let me describe how I look when I leave the house on every other day. My hair is either in braids or in a variety of different fake ponytails. Eyelashes and eyebrows on point, and a nice glossed lip. I’m usually wearing workout clothes because I am usually going to work. Always presentable. Except for Sundays which is the one day that the lashes are off, glasses on, hair usually dirty and pulled back and Pj”s replace work out clothes.

Today is Sunday, and today, of course, I met a man.

It all started last night when I noticed my toilet wasn’t flushing…. the plumbing nightmare continued into my shower and my mothers’ toilet. We were clogged. I stayed up past 9 (on a sat which is unheard of for me). Plunging, plunging, watching, and nothing.

This morning I woke up to my mother telling me the shower was now full of shit (literally) and she’d call the plumber after church……. I am sorry, but there is no way I am waiting to use the bathroom until who knows when. Especially when I am fully capable of fixing a clog (no I am not). So it begins, the plunging, the overflowing, the obsessively running from bathroom to bathroom to see if anything was flowing….. Ya it was flowing, OVERFLOWING….. gross.

I text my mom to ask her to come home because I was wayyyyy out of my league. She called the plumber he called back! He was on his way! Horray!

I open the door (remember its Sunday) and a man who was the perfect height, perfect age range, perfect face, no wedding ring, (and has a job!) is standing at my door. The Plumber.

Of course, the plumber has a good laugh as I apologize for the house smelling like shit (what I should’ve done was apologize for also looking like shit.. but I had forgotten) In my mind, it wasn’t a Sunday and I didn’t look like death.

We chatted, I flirted…. he fixed my clogged pipes, (the ones outside) and again there was harmony in my house. When it came to paying the bill he took a $100 off the flat service fee for Sundays, and gave my mom (she’s a total whore, ask anyone) his personal cell phone and promised to come any time to unclog my pipes..

As he drove away I thought, he could be someone I could go out with. I see myself having fun and interesting conversation with him.. So, as I write this I think.. Should I? Should I text his personal phone and try to see if he feels the same?  To see if we really did hit it off. Maybe even see each other on a not a Sunday? But what if he thought the real me, the stripped down version was not cute and reject me???

Ahhh so many questions…. fear is holding me back. Question is will I let it?

 

Stay Tuned….A.K.

 

 

 

 

I suck at online​ dating

Now that wasn’t so hard to admit, that I suck at this dating game. The game that almost every person in my life has told me to do. The game that is accepted and even revered by some. The game That allows people to meet, converse and maybe even date from the security of their home (or work, or wherever, really).  For me…..online dating is not for me.

It’s fun, in the beginning. Setting up profiles, picking my best edited/filtered photos. Thinking of witty things to say without sounding bitter and bitchy. Giving a little of who I am but not enough to feel personal rejection if they don’t “like” me. Then looking (and laughing, sorry but COME ON… that picture!) at others profiles and waiting to see if any of these guys think I’m foxy- (well let’s be honest, online dating isn’t about finding your soul mate).

For me the first 3 days is fun, swiping right, liking or whatever the site’s protocol is. Then it just isn’t anymore. Truth be told I am not interested in the “good morning beautiful” from random dudes. In the beginning, it was great for my ego. But then the endless boring five words texts came in… “how are you?” “what are you looking for?”What are you doing tonight?” “do you really work in a gym”?. Yea the GYM not the Pentagon, stupid.  As in all areas of my life, I am sure I have unrealistic expectations. Am I really going to find THAT GUY on-line? Not with my attitude that’s for sure. Funny thing is I really don’t care.

I still believe in the organic meet. Being able to look someone in the eye and try to read them based on not only what they are saying but how they are acting. Words are cheap, we know this. Hiding behind a keyboard or even talking on the phone so much can be fabricated. Does anyone even look like their profile pics? I sure as shit don’t….. (thank god for snap chat filters).

So what happens? Do I stay single forever? Maybe. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I am lonely and would love some male companionship. But still, in my heart, I believe that man will somehow find me or I will find him if we are meant to be.

You might call me naive, and that’s okay. I would rather be naive and alone than miserable in a bad relationship.

So I tried… five different dating sites and nothing. At least now I can tell people when they ask me “why don’t you try online dating” I can say I did. (and I suck at it).

Everything we do in life is a learning experience, from this, I take away that I am not old and dried up. Men still find me attractive, and I did see and converse with some attractive men. The last time I actively dated was 16 years ago so getting used to dating within my age range will be challenging, but It’s all good. My man is out there somewhere I know it. When its time, I’ll be ready-ish.

“Oh, don’t pray for love. Oh, say love. Just ask the lonely, just ask the lonely. Have you ever been through life’s challenges? Promises? Get down here I’m praying” T-Scott

love love A.K.