Ah, the holidays. The best of times and the worst of times. Funny how a time frame just 6 weeks or so can impact someone’s life so much. For most people, the holidays are a time to be stressed out, overextended and generally miserable. For others, it’s a lonely time. I can speak from experience on this one. The holidays inevitably draw the other parent (if you are a single one) out of the woodwork, only to fuck up your plans and ruin your day. I mean, see the child you share, fuck up your plans, and ruin your day.
The last month or so has been rough for me. It all peaked last week with me putting my robe on over my workout clothes and crawling into bed, at 2pm on a Wednesday. That is not normal behavior for me. I haven’t colored my grey roots in 2 months, not normal behavior for me… and don’t even get me started on my toes, or my legs that haven’t seen a razor is in wayyyyy too long.
Why the sudden change in me? A conglomeration of shit that I am doing my best to process but most of it is out of my hands. A situation that I could have avoided if I just didn’t procrastinate so much, knowing that all this crap could have been avoided if I just handled my business…. Is that enough for a pity party?
No, actually it’s not. Because guess what? My house is still standing. My friends are still alive (the few that I have). And I will clean up my mess and become an active member of society again. Sometimes we get blindsided by something we can’t control. And sometimes if we planned ahead and took things day by day, moment by moment, the shitstorm can be prevented.
So here I am, writing again (yey), and currently waiting for my roots to process….
YOU GOTTA GET UP…. especially when you don’t want to and the rabbit hole is calling to you. GET UP. Find something to do that is productive and brings you joy. One foot in front of the other…. just keep moving.
And if none of that helps turn on some Christmas carols….. and sing.
Love you always, A.K.