Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, unfold me

Damn. That is what my grandmother would say when she was mad. DAMN. I want to say much worse but for the sake of this blog DAMN will do.

The stages of grief are different for everyone. No one person experiences a trauma or loss the same, yet we all feel. Don’t we?

Sometimes I wonder. Without making this another blog about my dead mommy there are a few things I’d like to say.

  1. SAY SOMETHING- If you know someone who has suffered a loss or is in pain and you are not sure what to say, say this “I am sorry for your loss”. Simple to the point. I care for you but am not sure what to say and am scared if I say too much you might cry and my head will explode.
  2. DO NOT AVOID- I have friends who I spoke to on a regular basis until my mom got sick and passed. At the time I needed them the most, they fanished into thin air. I still consider them friends but wonder how they can disconnect from a person or situation so easily.
  3. BE NORMAL- The friend that just lost their parent, friend, child, etc is sad but they are still them. The best way to heal for me is to be me. I still go to work everyday I still have a sick sense of humor. I still put one foot in front of the other. I am still alive. Some days suck more than others but I am trying. Doing the best I can.
  4. HAVE COMPASSION- def. sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
  5. BE KIND- That should be the easiest one of all.

That concludes my post-mortum lecture….. Kind of. But to be honest, it sucks to lose someone that held such a huge place in your life. Having people around helps. Maybe to just not feel alone, or talk a little shit. It helps. No one wants to be sad, so if someone you love is sad try to connect to them. Reach out, it doesnt have to be a grand gesture, but don’t avoid them because you don’t have the perfect thing to say (there isn’t one anyway). Or to think you are bothering them. Believe me the worst part is when the phone calls and texts stop. And they do stop. Everyone goes on with their lives as they should and ever too quickly the person that passed fades from peoples minds and hearts.

Unless that person was your mother.

“Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, unfold me. I am small, I’m needy. Warm me up and breathe me” SIA

Just in case you were wondering, An angel appeared at my daughters cheer tryouts last week and told me she read my blog. This angel also happens to work at LLMC. The very same angel took my story to the Big boss at LLMC and forced them to look at the horrific way my mothers body was treated post-mortum. The Boss called me and explained to me HOW they are changing their donation system so that what happened to my Mother will NOT happen to anyones else’s loved one.

Oh yea, and they are cutting me a check to reimburse me for cremation costs. Big win. Thank you to my angel and the staff at LLMC for hearing my story and making a change. THAT means everything.

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8 thoughts on “Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, unfold me

  1. I never just remove myself from someone in grief, I am so sorry you are a world away from me, I would have been there for you every step. A few years ago, a mum at my son’s school lost her mother too but in tragic and unexpected circumstances. She took it hard, I wasn’t really close to her but I popped some cupcakes and a card at her door just to say Im thinking of her and was here when she needed a friend or a shoulder ( i have big ones I can take a lot of tears ) I didn’t intrude but showed her kindness and compassion, she to this day 3 years later she said that is what she needed. Just to know I cared. I would do anything for anyone because you don’t know what happens in life and you may need the same in the future. Sending my Aussie love across the waves xxxx and virtual cupcakes 😉

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  2. I’m sorry I haven’t msgd. You lately!
    I’ve been so tired and stressed. It’s really great that LLMC is coming through with the help for your moms cremation. Good people there!
    Hang in there! It takes a long time to stop missing someone so important to you.
    Hopefully I’ll be able to go back to class soon.
    Love You!!❤️

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  3. I think I may have missed a Blog or 2 regarding how your Mom’s body was treated postmortem, because I wasn’t aware anything had happened so I’ll have to go back and look for it.

    Kelly, I’m sorry your “friends” have vanished. People are super weird sometimes.

    I cannot imagine what you’re going through right now. I lost my Dad 4 years ago and I still feel a sense of emptiness knowing that he just doesn’t exist anymore. The loss of a parent makes one feel incomplete, or at least that’s how I feel. I truly am sorry you’re going through this and I am hoping your days will not suck as much or as often as they do now.

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  4. Kellie,
    When a tragedy occurs you really who your friends are and who has your back through the bad and ugliest of times. Consider this your process of elimination of people in your life. Being the loyal friend that you are I know you will not drop these people but make that mental note. My thing was everyone saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you don’t hesitate to call OR If you need anything I’m here for you.” Like I’m really gonna pick up the phone and call you to ask, “Hey, I feel like killing my self right now so can you come pick of my kids so I can do it and make sure they eat some dinner?” JUST DO SOME RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS! We want it and we need it. Like Vicky from RHOC says, “Your supposed to bring a casserole!”
    Love ya -Forever young,
    Kris❤️

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