Damn. That is what my grandmother would say when she was mad. DAMN. I want to say much worse but for the sake of this blog DAMN will do.
The stages of grief are different for everyone. No one person experiences a trauma or loss the same, yet we all feel. Don’t we?
Sometimes I wonder. Without making this another blog about my dead mommy there are a few things I’d like to say.
- SAY SOMETHING- If you know someone who has suffered a loss or is in pain and you are not sure what to say, say this “I am sorry for your loss”. Simple to the point. I care for you but am not sure what to say and am scared if I say too much you might cry and my head will explode.
- DO NOT AVOID- I have friends who I spoke to on a regular basis until my mom got sick and passed. At the time I needed them the most, they fanished into thin air. I still consider them friends but wonder how they can disconnect from a person or situation so easily.
- BE NORMAL- The friend that just lost their parent, friend, child, etc is sad but they are still them. The best way to heal for me is to be me. I still go to work everyday I still have a sick sense of humor. I still put one foot in front of the other. I am still alive. Some days suck more than others but I am trying. Doing the best I can.
- HAVE COMPASSION- def. sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
- BE KIND- That should be the easiest one of all.
That concludes my post-mortum lecture….. Kind of. But to be honest, it sucks to lose someone that held such a huge place in your life. Having people around helps. Maybe to just not feel alone, or talk a little shit. It helps. No one wants to be sad, so if someone you love is sad try to connect to them. Reach out, it doesnt have to be a grand gesture, but don’t avoid them because you don’t have the perfect thing to say (there isn’t one anyway). Or to think you are bothering them. Believe me the worst part is when the phone calls and texts stop. And they do stop. Everyone goes on with their lives as they should and ever too quickly the person that passed fades from peoples minds and hearts.
Unless that person was your mother.
“Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, unfold me. I am small, I’m needy. Warm me up and breathe me” SIA
Just in case you were wondering, An angel appeared at my daughters cheer tryouts last week and told me she read my blog. This angel also happens to work at LLMC. The very same angel took my story to the Big boss at LLMC and forced them to look at the horrific way my mothers body was treated post-mortum. The Boss called me and explained to me HOW they are changing their donation system so that what happened to my Mother will NOT happen to anyones else’s loved one.
Oh yea, and they are cutting me a check to reimburse me for cremation costs. Big win. Thank you to my angel and the staff at LLMC for hearing my story and making a change. THAT means everything.