Unstuck

Ladies and Gentlemen I am proud to announce that at least for today I am UNSTUCK. Thank god.

Those of you who read my blog on the regular know that I’ve had a rough six months or so… maybe even longer. But today, I feel different. Today, I feel happy. Today, I feel like I can breathe, and run, and skip, and play. Ok thats a little much but I do feel pretty good.

How did I get here? Hell if I know….. kidding. I just put one foot in front of the other and did something everyday that scared me and that I didn’t want to do. Oh and I cried….alot… like excessive amounts. But all that crying was cathardic for me. Healing. Messy, but necessary.

Our lives (my daughters and mine) have changed so much in the past six months. We got thrown into a this huge whirlwind of change and sadness. We kept running into each other and then losing each other, until now we finally got out on the otherside TOGETHER.

Somethings remain the same, I still miss my Mom everyday. Somedays I forget and start to call or text her and then remember that she is not going to answer the phone. But I still talk to her and laugh at things we did. The pain is slowly dulling and is replaced with a sence of hope and exitement about my future. About my daughters future, and our future together. We are slowly turning our home into OUR home and have conversations about what will happen when we leave this space. We have both FINALLY accepted that my mom is not coming back so we better figure a way to co-exist without our favorite referee here to smooth things over.

Somedays I am mad, and others I just make it through the day, breath by breath, moment by moment. I do know one thing for certain. I am going to be ok, my daugther is going to be ok and we are on our way to living our best lives ever.

I pray this blog is just the segway to me being me again. I’ve missed me to be honest with you, and have new fun and silly stories to share. But for today, I think I’ll leave it here……

“I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life. I gotta recognize the weapon is my mind, they talk shit and I love it everytime and I realize.”

” I’ve tasted blood and it is sweet, I’ve had the rug pulled beneath my feet. I’ve trusted lies and I’ve trusted men. Broke down and put myself back together again.”

Come on little lady give us a smile, No, I aint got nothin’ to smile about, I got no one to smile for, I waiting a while for a moment to say I DON’T OWE YOU A GOD-DAMN THING. I keep a record of the wreckage in my life….”

“I’m no sweet dream but I’m a hell of a night …

Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware. But I’d rather be a real nightmare than die unaware. But I am glad to be a real nightmare, so save me a prayer. “Halsey”