When she emerged from the rubble and dust that had once been her life, she came out shiny and new, I call her 2.0.
Very dramatic intro! Well if you haven’t guessed, 2.0 is me. Post the teenage struggle that caused my daughter to be removed from our house. Post Mommy getting sick and spending unnecessary time in the hospital (had 2.0 been around, that would’ve been different). To finally releasing my mom from the pain she was enduring and been for so long. To end the suffering and encouraging her to reunite with my father. The first six months of the year are a blur to me. It’s probably for the best, 2.0 has work to do.
Every day I wake up I tell myself that it is going to be a good day. 2.0 is on the job and things are coming together. My to-do list is smaller and I feel lighter every day.
My daughter and I are finding our way, AGAIN. It’s been difficult. I am actually surprised how hard it has been because we’ve always been so close. These days, I can’t seem to get to her, to hold her, to let her know that everything is going to be okay. Her walls are pretty high. Maybe that’s her grieving or maybe it’s just being a teenager.
Before we moved in with my mom I was a do-er. The problem was she was an overachiever… and since I worked and was gone a lot I just let her do her thing. Now those are some hard shoes to fill. My mom was ON IT. I am NOT. Problem. I gotta up my game, Mommy isn’t here to save me anymore.
So that’s what I have been doing, upping my game. Being her and me=2.0.
Wednesday, my daughter discovered a wasps nest in our porch, ya NO that’s not staying, I thought. I wasn’t sure what to do so I grabbed the hose and squirted as hard as I could using my thumb to add pressure (you know what I am talking about). Nothing. I look down and to be honest I have no idea if my mother just put it there or it had been there for months, but there was a can of wasp nest destroyer. I picked up the can and aimed it at the nest. Explosion, wasps nest is gone. Good for 2.0.
The entire day seemed to consist of adult-like behavior, cleaning, the gardeners came (and didn’t cry ). I spoke to the city (again) about cutting down a tree. I even updated my calendar. This is the first time I’ve actually had a calendar…. and man that kid of mine is busy. 2.0 is now a cheer and school mom as well as a regular mom. No way am I going to miss anything or have my little cheerleaders’ life affected because I can’t get my shit together.
Time for practice for her and back to work for me. We get in the car and proceed to drive straight past the school. I look up and finally realize we are in Mentone. (The high school is exactly 1.2 miles from my house, Mentone is not). I scream and look for a place to turn the car around. Now, my daughter will be late to practice and have to suffer horrible consequences like 10 sit-ups! (rolling my eyes and biting my tongue).
As I was trying to calm her down and tell her it would be ok. I said “blame me, tell them it was my fault” (I mean, it already is, isn’t it? ALWAYS MY fault). She said, “Ok I’ll tell them you got lost”. “NO! I said if those cheer moms catch wind that I got lost taking you to practice to a school I go to two times a day they will really think I’ve lost it. Or on drugs!” “Tell them I inhaled too much bug spray while killing the wasps and spiders and fell asleep (partly true BTW). She just rolls her eyes and got out of the car and ran into practice.
Fuck man, and I was having such a 2.0 day.